Sex and the Traveling Satchel

Moving

2009-01-12T22:16:00.001-08:00

UPDATE for all of you blogger.com followers: Please remember you can definitely still "follow" us. Instead of clicking on the "Follow this blog" link on the person's page, on your Dashboard you can click "Manage" under "Blogs I'm Following" and manually type in our link, which is: http://sexandsatchel.wordpress.com

We know we haven't been at this blogging thing for long, but we're moving outta this place.

We're breaking up with Blogger.com. He just isn't doing it for us. Not giving us the pleasure we need. It was a great starter but after researching, wordpress.com can satisfy our needs.

You can find us at http://sexandsatchel.wordpress.com/. We'll post here, too, for a little while... but not the full posts. After awhile I'm sure we'll get tired of that and use only wordpress, so please update all links, reader subscriptions, bookmarks, whatever.

And please keep in mind we're new to wordpress, too, so we'll probably be fucking with that for awhile until we're settled.

Thanks! We love you all for cooperating!

xoxoxo,
C & C

I'll take my clothes off, and it will be shameless...

2009-01-12T09:04:00.000-08:00

I've got my shower routine down like it's nobody's business (unless someone else happens to be in there, which sadly hasn't the case lately): Turn cold water on 5% of the way. Turn hot water on 95% of the way. Step in. Stand in blazing hot water for a while. Shampoo hair. Rinse. Condition hair. Buff lips. Wash face. Shave arm pits. Shave legs. Rinse conditioner. Wash body. 15-20 minutes later, I'm out, drying off.

My point is that... the shower is boring, because the moment I step into the shower, I know what I'm going to do. Therefore, while going through the routine, I often have random thoughts in my head. Let's take this ~~afternoon's~~ morning's shower for instance, my thoughts were:

- (while washing hair) Hmm, almost out of shampoo. Oh! Backup shampoo in the cupboard. What movies did I get for Christmas again?

- (while conditioning hair) Does it even matter how long I leave this stuff in? Probably not. I should get the new Nickelback CD.

- (buffing lips) What's this stuff even made of? Sugar? Peppermint? Mmm. Tastes good! Probably a waste of money because my lips are usually smooth, but oh well. Must be because of this stuff. I should definitely have some of that tea (that I haven't thought about for a year, but just happened to pop into my mind while I'm in here)!

- (washing face) This stuff smells like... I can't even place the smell. It's like, guy-ish, but not. Wtf is this? Whatever. Makes my face smooth. Right, it was loveactually and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

- (while shaving) Note to self: Need more shaving cream. Wait, why didn't I get that at the store yesterday when I was there? Grr. And how can women seriously NOT shave their arm pits? That's just gross. Shit! I forgot to send Chaz & Nelson a Christmas card! Damnit!

- (rinsing out conditioner) Ahh. Soft hair. I really should go to the gym. I mean, there has got to be a decent-looking guy around here somewhere, and what better place to find one than at the gym? I. Need. To. Get. Some.

- (washing body) Mmm! This new stuff Christina told me to try is awesome! I almost want to eat it. But I won't. Note to self: Go to the store for ruby red grapefruit juice. And maybe some vanilla frozen yogurt with gummi bears.

Moral of this post? Who the fuck thinks about that kind of shit in the shower? Seriously. Wtf.

exes and oh!s,

Court

Sex Position Sunday #2

2009-01-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I can't pick a favorite sex position. I know in my 101 facts, I named a few, but this is certainly on the top, as well.

This may be too much for some of you to handle, but bear with me... the Deep Stick. Ahhhh the Deep Stick. Just think of the title, deep stick. Alright, I'll stop saying it! But seriously, I'll be surprised if this website isn't considered animated porn. Oh yes, it's animated. Check that out! This site has to be the coolest site ever.

Well, I hope you all enjoy, and try it sometime.

And if you have tried it... what do you think about it?

exes and oh!s,
Court

dance party, anybody?

2009-01-10T21:56:00.000-08:00

I've been going through pictures of College Town tonight. I didn't even go to college there and I still miss... beer pong, dance parties, ~~walking up the fucking hills~~ late-night strolls with friends (and stopping half-way at completely random people's houses to use their facilities on the way to our destination to either A) pee at some random person's house from the obscene amounts of beer we consumed before we departed or B) sled with the random people who let us use their bathrooms... no, wait, we definitely did both), the bars, the shots, the beer, the picture-taking, d.a.n.c.e. p.a.r.t.i.e.s., meeting new people, meeting old people, making out with... well, anyone (apparently), dance parties, annoying Christina's extremely sheltered (never left her room) roommate by being incredibly loud when we came home shiiiiitfaced, sex on Christina's living room floor, sex on Christina's living room couch, dance parties, Christina & Short-haired Girl* plotting (and succeeding) at taking photos of me making out with cute boys... ahhhh.

...alright, so I think you realize that I miss the College Town dance parties.

Who can resist?! I mean... practically fornicating on the dance floor? Picture yourself grindin' away on some dude (or chick, for you male readers), it's hot, the music is loud, the bass is pounding, you're as close as it gets, and the girls (or guys) sitting at the tables watching you have their jaw dropped so wide it's practically touching the ground and her (his) tongue is rolling out of it and being stepped on by fellow dancers? Oh yes. That kind of dancing. Dirty dancing, if you will.

It was Halloween. Started out at Christina's house, about... 15(?) people all costumed-up. Christina, being the naughty cowgirl she is, and myself, being, well, we weren't really sure what I was-- I had on sweats, a jersey-shirt, a pair of Christina's tennis-shoes and black lines under my eyes-- I was considering myself a powder-puff girl (we had quickly put my costume together short hours before, seeing as how I decided on a whim that I was going to College Town that weekend). Let's just say that we supplied alcohol. People brought alcohol. We shared atrocious amounts of alcohol. We all left her place h-a-m-m-e-r-e-d. I think we walked to 'Baile', the most amazing underground bar with a dance floor.

Shots were-a-flowin' in our system and before you knew it, our entire group was out there starting the dance party out. I happened to be dancing with Muscle Man (I'm sure you'll hear more about this charmer later), and, like usual, everyone was hot-n-heavy. Well, I'm not sure about everyone, but we certainly were. Hands were wondering, I'm sure some words were exchanged ("where are you staying tonight?" "your place?" "no doubt" was pretty usual with us)-- I ended up at Muscle Man's apartment that night, after what seemed like hours of foreplay on the dancefloor. Let your imagination run wild.

That being said, I miss College Town dance parties. That's all.

*name is subject to change

exes and oh!s,
Court

Taggy McTaggertons

2009-01-10T13:50:00.000-08:00

We've been tagged. Again.

No but really, we love that you guys think of us.

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you - thanks Rose & Jill at Delightfully Inappropriate! (We love you girls!)
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

We figured we'd follow suit with Rose and Jill and split this thing 50/50. Three for Christina, three for Court.

Christina:

1. I played the clarinet from junior high until junior year of high school. I only quit because the band teacher in Hick Town was a major bitch.

2. I was also a basketball cheerleader for two (non-consecutive) years in high school. For some reason, this surprises people. And for some reason I'm sharing info from high school and feel like I'm living in the past.

3. I hated hot dogs all my life until one drunken night in College Town while Court was visiting... she made me eat a hot dog from this place known for them by all the drunk college kids. Now I'm hooked. The more mustard and onions, the better.

I tag:

That damn expat

A-B-C-D is a four letter word

No Sex & the City

... even if I have sort of been a lurker and them and haven't really commented much at all.

Courtney:

1. I have all 10 seasons of F-R-I-E-N-D-S on DVD, and I can pretty much quote any episode.

2. I like to be comfortable, so you'll usually find me wearing jeans, a t-shirt, my North Face fleece and a pair of tennis shoes. And if it's cold I'll layer a hoodie under the fleece. That's just how I roll.

3. I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you. I have angel wings tattooed on my back.

I tag:

PeterDeWolf.com

Goslings Aerie

Ms. Pink Zebra

Uhh, Rose & Jill, we apologize for the slight [and by slight, we mean 3 week] delay in posting this. We were just showing you guys how well we procrastinate...

xoxoxo,

C&C

Fuck Me Friday

2009-01-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: I don't know what the fuck is wrong with blogger and/or the template we use, but apparently it likes to make our posts run together when a number of photos are used. ~~I'm working on it.~~ Oh, fuck it. I took the photos down and just linked to them because this shit is pissing me off.

Thank god for the ability to schedule posts to publish at a later date/time, or you probably wouldn't be seeing this until who knows when.

Anyway, my first Fuck Me Friday.

Hello, eyes.

Look at that smirk!

Just take me.

Christ, I couldn't just pick one picture. So you get a few. (EDIT: Sort of.)

Seriously. So talented. So cute. Look at that smile! Those eyes! So nice. So fucking sexy!

And did you ever hear his accent?

Damn it. I'll never get at him. Because I'm definitely not into necrophilia.

I miss him. Really, I do. Been a fan for years. I unfortunately stumbled upon this and this (obviously related) while searching for this post, and am pretty sad I found it. I refuse to post it here.

On a related note, I tried to find a sexy pic of Michelle Williams (you know, Heath's baby's mama) for our male readers but... damn. I had no luck. She just doesn't do it for me. So you get Angelina instead.

Mmmhm.

XOXO
Christina

thnks fr th mmrs.

2009-01-09T01:01:00.000-08:00

Alright, so it's been a while since I've filled you all in on the situation with Mr. Cling and myself, and a little history:

We've known eachother since high school, but didn't talk much those days, so basically when we found eachother again, we were pretty much starting fresh. This was the middle of September. I moved to Smaller Town in October, and we were, what I call "seeing" each other for, maybe the last couple of weeks or so (and by my definition of seeing... that means we aren't dating, and we can see other people).

Now, let me just start off by saying, Mr. Cling is a nice guy. Just a little too nice. After checking my mail on Tuesday, I found a card* from Mr. Cling. Interesting. My thoughts: Did I forget my own birthday? Thank you card for the Christmas present? New Years card maybe? No. It was none of these. It was an effing "I love you" card. Uh... Really? After 2 weeks, huh?

**** CARD DETAILS REMOVED FOR ANONYMITY PURPOSES ****

This just really... creeped me out. I liked the guy, and then he went and had to send me this card telling me he loves me and I'm the only one for him after "seeing" each other for 2 weeks?

Am I over-reacting? I feel like I sort of am, but given that I'm not really interested in commitment right now, this was just the last straw. I couldn't take it anymore. I was trying too hard to like the guy.

So long, Mr. Cling.

*Which had the wrong use of 'your' in it... Mr. Cling, "your" is possessive, meaning "your card was un-necessary". The correct grammar for this would be "you're" which is a contraction, a combination of "you" and "are" as in "you're kind of moving too fast for me seeing as how I thought we were just 'seeing' each other."

Oh, also, MBD texted me the other day for some dirty talk, and ended up sending me a picture of his over-sized pecker. Can't complain much about that.

exes and oh!s,
Court

And if you don't like it, you can go (back) to hell.

2009-01-09T00:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not usually the follower type, but I liked Court's so much I just had to make a list myself.

I'm pretty much going to follow hers, so you all can get to know the same stuff about us... so you'll notice some similarities. And you'll also kind of get a feel for the way Court and I interact, because some of the items on here are basically reactions to her list. You may call it a cop-out, I call it a time saver. I'm a busy girl, get off me.

101 things you're gonna wish you didn't know about Christina:

My favorite color is black.
I'm a Mountain Dew addict.
BF is the only boyfriend I've ever had who I haven't cheated on.
I looooooove pizza.
Men turn me on.
Guys who can play the guitar make me wet.
Australian accent, please.
I used to be really sarcastic, but now... extreme sarcasm will make me want to punch you in the face.
I love shoes. God, I love shoes.
And purses. God, I love purses.
I, too, love PostSecret. And have sent a secret or two in... but have yet to see them published.
At least, I think I sent them... I know I made them. Let's hope I sent them.
I've been in love twice. BF and First Love.
I've told more than two guys I've loved them, though. But not because I didn't feel it... at the time, I thought I was in love. Hindsight is always 20/20, though.
Growing up, I never thought I'd be the girl who spends more than an hour getting ready, owns more than 50 pairs of shoes, can't keep track of all her purses... and here I am.
It's "yeah" when it's a synonym for "yes," and "ya" when it's a synonym for "you."
I know "ain't" ain't a word, but I use it anyway. Same with y'all.
No, I'm not from the South.
I've been called a grammar/punctuation nazi.
I love newspapers.
I heart all things Victoria's Secret. Unlike Court, I don't discriminate (though the V-string thongs are nice).
I've never fooled around in any way with any co-worker. At all.
I've never - and would put money on it that I will never - have a threesome. I'm too greedy.
I've been to entirely too many family members' funerals. Fuck death.
I don't trust people enough.
I haven't said the phrase, "Facebook me!" since I left College Town, but I said it almost daily when I was there.
I miss my phone with the full qwerty keyboard. God, do I miss it.
I cry all. the. fucking. time.
Sometimes I think I'm bi-polar - seriously, I know the gravity of the disorder. I can be perfectly happy one minute, then blacking out from rage the next. I call it The Crazy. Then I stop PMSing and I'm good for the rest of the month.
I don't smile enough. Especially at work. God, do I get stressed at work.
BF hates the smell of Febreze. I love it.
Fuck deja vu.
I pretend it's not true, but I should probably get glasses soon. And I definitely shouldn't be allowed to drive at night (and I avoid it as much as possible) becaus I can't see shit.
The only way I can stand being around BF's brother is after I've had at least a couple drinks. He brings out The Rage in me.
Makeup sex is better when you're in love.
I, too, love black eyeliner. But I'd go without it before I'd go without mascara.
I wear the eyeliner mostly because growing up I always heard, "Ohmygawdyouhavesuchbigeyes!" and it drove me absolutely batshit crazy. The eyeliner makes 'em look smaller. And, y'know, better.
I'm going to say this again to really drive it home: I love shoes. And an addendum: Heels. Heels, heels, heels. God, I love heels.
I'm too indecisive to get a tattoo. I've had an appointment or two to get one, but canceled because I didn't know what the fuck I'd get.
Regardless of titles, I think of myself as being able to do what I want with whom I want at all times (see #3). The reason I haven't cheated on BF is because I love him and don't want to be with or fuck anyone else.
Asshole Ex was a fucking prick. I don't think Court knows how close I came to physically assaulting him.
I have a pet with the same (nick)name as one of this blog's followers.
I have three pets total.
I do. not. allow any of the pets to be in the room when BF and I have sex.
Allergies ain't got shit on me.
My house here in Small-ish Town is smaller and all-around crappier than any of my apartments in College Town.
I apply deodorant three or four times a day.
Thinking about losing BF makes me sick to my stomach.
Thinking about all the time I wasted on the losers before BF makes me wish I could go back in time and somehow meet him earlier than I did.
I've smoked pot quite a bit. My sophomore year in College Town is a blur.
I'm glad I quit smoking when I did because I could have, pretty easily, blown my education because of it.
I've never done any other drug.
A few friends in College Town offered me some cocaine once, off of their bathroom counter. I promptly said no and left the party.
My favorite beer pong partner is Court.
You know how they say college is the best four years of your life? Yeah. Pretty much. Well, maybe. Either way, they were some pretty good years.
I miss my dad every day of my life.
BF (almost) always seems to want to talk about the sex before we get down to it... "What do you want, baby?" "How do you want it?" While I appreciate his thoughtfulness, sometimes I wish he'd just shut up and throw me down on the bed.
I love my hair being pulled in bed.
My given name is from some old song my mom loves, only she spruced up the spelling. Nobody ever spells it right. I love the name, though.
I've never dyed my hair. No highlights, nothin'.
I have no idea what color my eyes are. Brown? Green? Hazel? Honey?
I'm a lot on the short side. 5' 1".
BF is right around 6' tall. Scaredy Ex was (is still, too, I guess) about 6'. Most of my most recent flings have been right around 6' tall. Short guys creep me out.
I can't believe sometimes how many of my classmates are married and/or have kids.
But then I feel hypocritical because I want to marry BF (gasp!) and having kids actually doesn't scare the fuck out of me.
I love reruns of Law & Order: SVU and Criminal Intent, Fresh Prince, Friends and Will and Grace.
I own every season of Sex and the City on DVD. And the movie.
I loved The OC when it was on TV... for the first two or three seasons. But then Marissa died and I swore off the show, despite Ryan and Seth (yum).
I've slept with more than 20 guys.
I used to have a list of all of the guys I've slept with, but got rid of it after BF and I had been together for awhile. It just didn't matter anymore.
I'm pretty sure I couldn't name all 20+.
I dream of traveling all over the world with the man I love... but BF isn't exactly keen on the idea. He's actually said, when discussing going to Hawaii, "Do you know how much WATER you have to fly over to get to Hawaii?"
I talk about BF too much... even though we've been together as long as we have, I still feel like I'm in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship sometimes.
The first thing I notice about a guy is his eyes - not the color, but the intensity and what's behind them. Then I look at his shoes.
LOLcats kills me. Love it.
Call me old-fashioned, but my favorite position is missionary and its subtle variations.
Doggy-style and girl-on-top are close behind.
Sunflowers are pretty much my favorite flowers.
But I'm a sucker for roses. I've only gotten them twice - once, a single rose in high school and most recently, BF surprised me with a dozen when he came to visit me in College Town.
My safety drink (non-alcoholic) is iced tea. I order it out of habit, not always because I want it. But I always love it.
My safety alcoholic drink is Coors Light. In a bottle, preferrably.
But if you want a girl dancing on the table, give me a good Long Island iced tea.
Microfleece blankets are my favorite. Have you ever wrapped yourself up in one when you're naked? I recommend it.
I'm 100 percent convinced that just about every shirt would be cuter if it had a hood on it. I love hoodies.
Love flip flops.
When I love something, I really, really love it. I don't just like something - I either don't care or I fucking LOVE it. And that probably doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense to you, but it's pretty deep and meaningful to me.
One of my most memorable birthday gifts was when my sister bought me a shit ton of strawberries (what are they called, flats? Cases? Whatever...). I love strawberries.
I love walking around the house naked. It's liberating.
But I feel sexiest, typically, in jeans, heels and a bra.
I've kissed four girls - including Court.
Another girl and I had a make-out session (her doing, she was unstoppable) while she was d-r-u-n-k. I went along with it because she had a boyfriend and I figured it was better for her to make out with me than my drunk guy friend who would not. stop. hitting. on. her. That and I couldn't have stopped her if I tried. Talk about relentless!
I'm the baby of the family and definitely act like it.
I LOVE seafood. Well, shrimp, crab and lobster. And some fish but not necessarily tuna.
While in College Town, I contracted chlamydia and HPV. For this reason, I know all stereotypes about STDs are complete and utter bullshit. Talk to me about it if you disagree. Or agree.
I've never traveled outside the U.S. And I hate it.
I can't imagine being single.
... and I worry sometimes that's because I'm afraid to be alone.
I've fooled around in Court's living room, on a hide-a-bed, while someone was sleeping on the floor.
More than once.
The only time I've ever gotten even slightly aroused when looking at porn online (back when I used to every now and then) was when watching girl-on-girl stuff. I don't know why and I'm not entirely comfortable with it.
I've never used a dildo, vibrator or any other toy.

That took days to finish. Hope you enjoyed it. :)

XOXO

Christina

Is that all you got, boys?

2009-01-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

Alright, people (and when I say people, I mean our gentlemen readers.)

We've only gotten male one entry for this giveaway, and I'd like there to be at least some sort of competition going on for this spectactular prize (which we have yet to find one for the men, so if you've got a suggestion...).

So, Gentleman (or not-so-gentle-men...mmmmm): Got a raunchy story? We wanna hear it. E-mail them to us at the addresses below:

sexsatchel.courtney@gmail.com

sexsatchel.christina@gmail.com

Don't be shy; let it all hang out...

exes and oh!'s,

Court

p.s. Proverbial Hyperbole was pissed that our Wet Wednesday didn't fulfill his manly needs, so for all the dissapointed men:

Courtesy of the sexy Jessica Biel.

We got flippin' tagged.

2009-01-07T22:58:00.000-08:00

We've been tagged by Nickie over at Learn To Fly.

[and we added some of our own questions, because, well, this just wasn't saucy enough for us.]

1. Do you think you're hot?
Christina: Only as hot as the next cartoon with an overly-sized head.
Courtney: Umm, have you seen our avatars??

2. Upload your favorite picture of you.
Christina/Courtney:

3. Why do you like that picture?
Christina: Cleavage.
Courtney: Because of my perfectly side-swept, flowing blonde hair.

4. When was the last time you ate pizza?
Christina: Within the past week, I don't remember exactly.
Courtney: Pretty recently-- a couple of days ago.

5. The last song you listened to?
Christina: Nickelback's "Burn It To The Ground
Courtney: "New York Girls" by Morningwood.

6. The last movie you watched?
Christina: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Courtney: loveactually at home / Marley & Me at the theater.

7. Last restaurant you ate at?
Christina: BF and I went to a Mexican place here in Small-ish Town today
Courtney: Had takeout from a pizza place here in Smaller Town.

8. Last book you fully read?
Christina: Marley and Me by by John Grogan
Courtney: Every Boy's Got One by Meg Cabot

9. What are you doing right now, besides this?
Christina: Watching Friends on TV and getting really tired
Courtney: ~~Being lazy.~~ Catching up on e-mails.

10. What name do you prefer besides your own?
Christina: Well, I don't like the nickname Chris, I'll tell ya that much.
Courtney: Court.

[11 through 20 courtesy of yours truly]

11. Are you a virgin?
Christina: I'm like the Virgin Mary.
Courtney: Mhmm...

12. Do you like to give/receive oral sex?
Christina: Like Carrie on SATC said, "It's not my favorite thing on the menu but, you know, I'll order it from time to time." And duh.
Courtney: Yes and yesss.

13. Can you remember who your worst sex partner was?
Christina: Most of my one-night stands... which is probably why they were just one night.
Courtney: Carpet burn never usually makes for a good time or memory.

14. Do you like to have your hair pulled during the act?
Christina: Love it.
Courtney: Pull away.

15. When was the last time you did the deed?
Christina: Let's see, today's Wednesday, so... Sunday? Monday? I'm not sure, exactly. It would have been more recent, but BF and I have opposite schedules, which does nothing good for the nooky-making.
Courtney: ...the Friday after Christmas. Ugh. It's been that long already.

16. How many different people did you have sex with in 2008?
Christina: One. I'm booooring.
Courtney: 11. I think.

17. Does size matter?
Christina: Yes. Height matters. Dick size matters. I don't want it too big or too small.
Courtney: I hate this question-- it really depends on the guy. If a guy is a little less than average, but has good moves, it's all good. But I won't turn away a well-endowed man, either!

18. Has anyone ever walked in on you and someone having sex?
Christina: Not that I can remember specifically... but if you knew me at all in College Town, that doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot.
Courtney: I'm pretty sure Christina and her BF both have on me when I was with BF's brother.

19. How old were you when you lost your virginity?
Christina: 16.
Courtney: 18.

20. Go wayyyy back. What's a memory you had forgotten about?
Christina: Fooling around in a car on the main street in Hick Town, not so very late at night. People knew what was up because, apparently, brake lights were going on... and off... and on... and off..
Courtney: Umm, let me just say we were 17(?), Christina's parents were out of town, she had a guy downstairs, I had a guy upstairs.

Now Tag 5 People!
Fuck that.
You're all getting tagged.
Consider yourself tagged if you're reading this.

xoxoxo,

C&C

Wet Wednesday!

2009-01-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

Two words: Facial hair.

Courtesy of McSteamy (Eric Dane).

I think I've just cum.

exes and oh!'s,

Court

Trade No. 1 completed, and some housekeeping

2009-01-06T23:52:00.000-08:00

The cat got loose this morning and wouldn't come out from under the porch for at least 20 minutes, causing me to be late to work.

The puppy was terrorizing the house, tearing apart rugs (it's turned into nothing more than her chew toy at this point) and throw pillows (ditto).

And I was about 30 minutes later to work than originally planned. Though waiting until 10:30 to take a shower doesn't say much for trying to make it there early.

But to add to my tardiness was...

The Arrival of The Purse.

Yes, it's finally here and it's even more beautiful than I thought. And, just as I expected, one of the first things my boss said to me when I (finally) got to work was, "Who killed the -insert animal name here-*?"

Court also sent "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" on DVD so I could watch it... since I never have. So instead of doing the laundry or putting away the piles of clean clothes around the bedroom... or picking up the disaster in the living room (have I mentioned I'm not exactly house wife material?)... I watched the movie.

So girly. Pretty cheesy. Predictable.

Loves it!

I also got the book Court promised she's send, "Every Boy's Got One" by Meg Cabot - I plan on starting that tomorrow.

I know this is a pretty boring (and short... and boring) post, but it's all stuff that had to be said! Also I'd like to remind evvvvvveryone to enter our giveaway - we've only gotten a few entries and, c'mon. You guys are better than that! Don't forget you can email us your entry if you're too shy (or not anonymous enough) to share your steamy secrets with the world. Trust me, we won't judge. In fact, we'll probably applaud or try to one-up you.

And because this post is so boring and lacking in the hotandsteamyandsexual department, for your viewing pleasure:

To tell you the truth, I'm almost more turned on by Kate than Colin. Almost.

* For those of you who remember the real purse, you know what I'm talking about here. But I am so definitely glad we decided on a generic photo, because this purse is definitely unique.

XOXO
Christina

Surprise!

2009-01-05T21:57:00.000-08:00

Like Courtney mentioned yesterday, we have a little surprise here at Sex and the Traveling Satchel for all you readers.

We're hosting a giveaway!

We haven't worked out the details yet, but both Courtney and I will be sending out a prize. That means there will be two winners - one will get a prize from me, the other a prize from Court. The prizes will, of course, be sex-related. And we'll try to choose at least one male-friendly prize, so guys, don't be shy!

It's easy to enter our little giveaway. Just comment on this post (or, if you're really not comfortable doing that, e-mail BOTH sexsatchel.christina AND sexsatchel.courtney [at] gmail [dot] com) telling us quickly about your most scandalous scandal.

We'll choose the winners randomly using randomizer.org.

The last day we'll accept entries is January 18. You've got some time, but not forever - so dig up those scandalous memories and let's hear (or read, whatever) 'em!

XOXO
Christina

I don't give a tapdancing fuck what you think about me.

2009-01-05T01:48:00.001-08:00

Here is a little something I put together for all of you avid readers!

101 Things you didn't know and probably don't care to know about Courtney:

My favorite color is red.
I love Diet Coke. Even better if it’s Diet Coke with Splenda.
I’ve never cheated on a significant other.
I looooooove pizza.
(Significantly) older men turn me on. An obscene amount.
I’d love to marry a musician. C’mon, free serenades? Bring it on.
Accents are a plus, too.
I’m a sucker for sarcastic/witty men.
I’m obsessed with scents. I’m a perfume whore. I don’t smother myself in it, but I have a lot of it. I like to have options.
Consequently… I can’t refuse to give in to a man who smells yummy.
Postsecret.com is one of my favorite websites. I have yet to send one of my own in, though…
I haven’t ever actually been in love before. I thought, at the time, that I was in love a time or two—turns out, when I think about it now, I wouldn’t say I was at all. It was more that I liked the idea of love.
I, of course, love chick flicks.
I was what you would call a "tomboy" when I was younger. I've since then changed. A lot.
It annoys me when people spell it “yea” or “ya” instead of “yeah”.
It also annoys me when people use the word “ain’t” (Ain’t ain’t a word and you ain’t gonna use it! – Thanks to my 2^nd grade teacher, that’s what I think of every time I hear the fucking word. Thanks Mrs. P.).
I’m a big supporter Vikki’s Secret’s V-string thongs.
I’ve given a former co-worker head in the supply closet (a few times).
Also given a former co-worker head in the produce freezer (different job than #15).
…and in the parking lot (same job as #17, different co-worker).
…and had sex in a guy’s parent’s house while his parents were both home and his grandmother was in the next room (during the holidays). I snuck in, and snuck back out like we were in high school. He was 30, I was 21.
I’m a huge believer in karma. What goes around comes around.
I’ve never had a threesome (except for the three-way make-out session Christina and I had with some guy at a party once—at least I think that’s all that happened that night).
I lost my first best friend when I was about 8. She was 7. A toy fell on her at her brother’s baseball game and she died from internal bleeding.
I trust people way too easily.
I’ve actually uttered from my mouth the words: “Do you have Facebook? I’ll add you” in order to tag a drunk stranger in College Town. Many a time. Don’t judge. ;)
I love my pink Blackberry.
Sometimes, even if it’s an extremely sad situation, it’s hard for me to cry. Almost like I have to take it all in for a while first. Other times, I cry like a baby.
I smile tons. On the last “good-bye” card I got from my last employer, I’d say 98% of the people who signed the card (about 30 people signed…), said they would miss my smile (and upbeat personality).
Therefore, I have a hard time… not smiling. If there is something sad, I’m always afraid I’m going to smile and look like a total ass, when really, I just want to be happy instead of thinking of the unhappiness.
After reading/listening to The Secret, I agree with some of the things they say, like: the way you think creates reality for yourself.
I get déjà vu often. It’s creepy.
I have terrible vision. I have contacts that I sleep in so that I can see when I wake up every morning.
Before Christina knew BF, I dated his brother. Turns out BF’s brother has a little bit of a drinking problem that probably won’t go away, and usually leads to flakiness. Hence him being an ex. And now Christina gets the joy of seeing him during family functions. Ha. ;)
I haven’t ever had makeup sex before, but if/when I do, I really hope it’s something like this.
I wear eyeliner so much that I feel like I look weird without it, like my eyes are too big. No… not that, I guess it makes me look too innocent. And having dark black eyeliner makes me feel sexy. That’s it.
Along those lines, I have extremely long eyelashes, without mascara. But I use a little black mascara to darken them.
I love big earrings. Huge hoops or gigantic diamond studs are my favorite.
I have a tattoo. But if I say what it is, it’ll give it away. I’ll just tell you it’s on the back side of my body.
As far as I’m concerned, until a guy and I have had “the (b/f, g/f) talk”, I’m available to fuck who I want. When I want.
If it wasn’t for Christina, I’m not sure I’d be where I am now. I might actually still be with Asshole Ex (I’ll fill you in later). But she stood up for me when she came to visit us once, and made me realize what a mistake I was making by dating him. Thanks, Christina. Love!
I have the same occupation as one of my followers on the blog.
I noticed one of our followers lives fairly close to Small-ish Town (where Christina lives).
I love flying, and every time I do, I always have a hard time deciding if I want to sit next to the cute guy, or the girl I assume is nice and will be good for conversation. I usually end up next to the cute guy. (My last flight, I sat next to the girl I assumed was nice and good for conversation and switched over to the cute guy during the layover.)
I’m allergic to nickel (no cheap jewelry for me!) and some laundry detergents.
I wouldn’t be very happy living without a mirror.
I brush my teeth every time I get out of the shower (regardless of if I brushed them 5 minutes before).
I always feel like I’m going to lose the right guy because I’m waiting for the wrong guy (or feel like I’m wasting my time on the wrong guy because I feel like there’s someone better for me out there—call it a soul mate, if you will).
I get scared looking out of the windows at night (especially after watching the movie “The Strangers”).
I’ve smoked pot once and didn’t care for it.
I get better at beer pong after losing the first couple games. J
I’m a little jealous of people that went to college right after high school, because I feel that if I go now, it won’t be the same (since I’ll be older than most people in my starter classes).
I have such a soft spot in my heart for old men, I hate to see them struggle, and it makes me want to cry.
My Mom has no idea how much I love her. I tell her all the time, but I don’t know if she realizes how much she means to me.
Ditto for my Dad.
I like the idea of spontaneous [anywhere] sex. Now if I could just find someone to share that with me…
I LOVE my (given) name. I wouldn’t change it. It’s often a conversation starter.
Men seem to get attached to me easily. It’s not necessarily a good thing…
I’ve got blonde hair. It’s not natural. I’m not ashamed.
I’ve got slate blue eyes.
I’m a little on the short side (5’3”).
I prefer (and usually won’t settle for guys who aren’t) taller guys who are at least 6’0” or taller.
I broke up with a great guy because he was leaving for college (for only two months) and I didn’t want a long distance relationship. Oh, and he made weird faces during sex—otherwise, there might have been a chance of getting back together (The Facemaker).
My Asshole Ex married a girl who looks exactly like me, but is a bit on the chubby side, about a year and a half after we broke up. It kind of disturbs me.
I fucking hate spiders, or any creepy crawlers.
My Mom’s mother and father passed away before I was born, so I never got to meet them.
I wish I knew more about my ancestry/family tree.
It’s weird to me that people my age are already married with kids.
I love reruns of F-R-I-E-N-D-S, Law & Order: SVU and Sex & the City.
I’ve slept with over 10, but under 20 men.
I’ve had sex with a guy after having known him 20 minutes.
I have big hopes for my future. I just have no idea what they’re going to be yet. I just know I want to help people.
I want to travel a shit ton while I’m young, and maybe even live in a foreign country.
I’d also love to win the lottery and help people I know could use the help out.
Sometimes, I jump up onto my bed, because I’m scared something will grab me from underneath.
Pillows are one of my obsessions. I have about 6 full size and two smaller ones on my bed, all the time.
I’m obsessed with song lyrics. Even if I don’t necessarily like the tune/beat of the song, if the lyrics are good, I don’t pay attention to the rest.
I also love quotes from movies. I’ve got about 3 different word documents full of ‘em (which I should consider merging together, but am too lazy).
I’m a huge flirt. Big surprise there.
When scoping out a guy, I notice: height, body tone & teeth. I’m a huge teeth person—love great teeth. J
I can type about 90-95 wpm with 100% accuracy.
I’m a photo-whore. I’ve got photos all over my house of awesome memories.
I have a box full of crap that is supposedly meaningful, that I would like to put into scrapbooks, but when I think about it, if someone were to find it after I die, they’d probably think it was all junk and throw it away… so I’m not sure why I’m even saving it all.
I like really any type of music, but could do without most classical/jazz (with the exception of Michael Bublẻ).
I get a kick out of reading the missed connections on craigslist [and secretly wish someone would write one about me].
I always ask for Ginger Ale if the flight attendant asks.
Favorite position? Reverse missionary. Or missionary. Or doggy-style. Or girl-on-the-counter-guy-standing-up. Or... well, you get the idea.
My favorite flowers are gerbera daisies and calla lilies.
Strangest place I’ve had sex is on the balcony of an apartment building overlooking one of the busiest intersections of Big Town.
…or perhaps it was Christina’s living room floor in College town while she and her roommate were in their rooms. Oops. J
I absolutely love down comforters.
I swallow.
I love Dane Cook’s comedy.
I think that Talk Sex with Sue Johanson is an awesome television program.
I’ve kissed a few girls in my day, but never done more than that.
I don’t buy jeans unless I like the pattern on the back pockets. And if I like the pattern but I don’t like the color of the thread in the pattern on the pocket, I continue looking.
I’m a youngest child.
The first time I went to MBD’s house for a little fun, he called me beforehand and told me he wanted me naked when I walked in the front door. His wish was granted.
I hate seafood. Except for tuna fish.
I like cats for the most part (in the fact that they are snuggly and soft all the time and this is the only time I’ll ever say I like pussy better than something else!) over dogs.
Even after being single for so long, I sometimes don’t want a relationship, because I like my freedom.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that... even those of you who fell asleep half way through. ;)

exes and oh!'s,

Court

I'd like to thank the academy...

2009-01-04T21:55:00.000-08:00

WE GOT AN AWARD!

THE LEMONADE AWARD

Thank you, Little Woman, Little Home!

ONCE YOU'VE BEEN AWARDED, THE RULES ARE:
1. Thank the person who was so thoughful for giving you this award by linking their blog to this post.
2. Put the logo on your blog or post.
3. Nominate 10 blogs which show great attitude/gratitude.
4. Link your nominee to your post.
5. Comment them to tell them about the award they've won.

OUR PICKS:

Delightfully Innappropriate
Prettiest Girl at Last Call
Ms. Pink Zebra
Confessions of a Twenty-Something Year Old
Proverbial Hyperbole
That Damn Expat
Therapeutic Ramblings
Living Life
Miss Musing
The Dizzy Observer

Alright, seeing as how we could only choose TEN of you lovely people, we apologize... and hope there are no hard feelings. We have a surprise coming to all of you soon to show you how much we appreciate your awesome comments and feedback! Christina will to tell you more about it this week, most likely before Wet Wednesday.

exes and oh!'s,
Court

Sex Position Sunday #1

2009-01-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

Yeah, you read that right. Sex Position Sunday.

I know, I know... we originally said it would be "Sexy Sunday," but Court and I couldn't for the life of us remember what the fuck that was supposed to mean. So Sex Position Sunday it is.

To be honest with y'all, I was having a bit of trouble deciding which position to write about. And this will probably be a quick post because I'm buried up to HERE in bills I need to pay by yesterday. But anyway.

This week's position (via Cosmo) is...

"The Stand and Deliver."

You might think I'd write about a position I love. This is not the case.

Not that I have anything against this position. I'm sure it's great for some people. Actually, no, scratch that. I definitely do have something against this position, and I'll tell you alllllllll about it (or what I can remember).

BF and I, when I lived in College Town, tried this position. And ya know, maybe it got a little complicated because we tried it in the shower, but that's beside the point.

I don't remember the details now (it's very possible I was drunk - hey, that's what we did in College Town), but I remember it ended with both of us naked, soaking wet (from the shower) on the floor, tangled in the shower curtain. I do remember flailing arms, shower curtain rings flying and water everywhere.

We were also both in tears - I was laughing my ass off and BF was half laughing, half in pain. If he'd actually been IN me, pretty sure Little BF (which, by the way, really isn't that little) would have needed a trip to the emergency room.

Maybe we should have taken into account this little bit of info: BF is a full foot (at least) taller than me.

Needless to say, we haven't even tried having sex standing up since. Not even outside the shower.

XOXO
Christina

Trade No. 1

2009-01-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

Alright, Classy in Philadelphia. You asked for it. Haha. Well, I was going to post about this anyways, but her comment just reminded me about it...

I will be sending Christina The Purse today. I've had it for... like, a month? I think... Anyway, we kind of were thinking of trading it every 3 weeks or so, but I had to finish a book (which I do highly recommend-- Meg Cabot's Every Boy's Got One) to send with it for Christina to read, because it just reminded me of us.

Anyway, as Christina posted before, we've taken off the actual picture of the purse in order for us to remain anonymous. I was getting a little freaked out at the airport when everyone was staring at The Purse, and a few girls even came up to me and complimented me on it.* Actually, I have been, on average, getting about 2 compliments a day on The Purse.

Way to go, Purse! You've made us proud!

exes and oh!'s,

Court

*I'm pretty sure they didn't actually recognize The Purse from the blog, it was just creepy that they were staring at it, and while they were doing so, I was worried someone might actually spot it and recognize us.

Drama, anyone? (& Last week's Fuck me Friday)

2008-12-31T13:23:00.000-08:00

Don't you just love it when you start to like a guy, and some Jealous Bitch comes and ruins everything over an effing myspace message? And who the hell are you to believe-- the guy who you just started to like, or the girl who you barely know that claims they aren't just friends? I feel like I'm in the fourth grade and some girl just passed me a note saying "Billy told me he wanted to play on the jungle gym with me at recess instead of you" or something just as ridiculous. Seriously, I start to actually LIKE Mr. Cling, and along comes Jealous Bitch at full force. However, he did bring a good point on himself... I usually talk to him throughout the day pretty much until he goes to bed anyway, hence the Cling.

On to last week's Fuck Me Friday, since Christina & I both forgot:

I'll keep it short, simple & sexy:

David Beckham: ahhh.

Don't worry, guys-- I didn't forget you!

Jennifer Aniston: damn, girl.

exes and oh!s,
Court

The Purse, photographically speaking

2008-12-29T22:28:00.000-08:00

Call it paranoia. Call it being realistic.

Call it what you wanna call it (I'm a fuckin' alcoholic... Sorry. I couldn't resist...), but we're changin' our game.

Or, more accurately, we already did change the purse picture at the top of the blog.

For those of you who actually visit the site regularly (I love you!), you'll notice the photo of the beautiful purse has changed to a clipart-type purse.* All you beautiful people (you know who you are - the ones who have been reading us from the start) are lucky bastards to have seen the real thing.

After a deep, meaningful discussion (read: a few texts back and forth via our cells), Court and I decided to change the pic to protect our anonymity. The Purse is pretty unique and we were both getting a little afraid we'd be found out. So, clipart it is. Thanks for understanding. I knew you would.

Coming soon: The tale of the tryst with Christian Gal's ex. Promise.

* We reserve the right to change this in the future whenever we damn well please.

XOXO
Christina

Lets hear it for the boy...

2008-12-29T14:31:00.000-08:00

Seriously. I've been meaning to post but haven't been able to, as Christina said, because I'm an idiot who left her laptop at home when she left for holiday. That being said, I'm using my Blackberry for this post, because I'm going through withdrawals. Forgive me.

Anyways-- quick update! I went and spent a night with Mr. Cling this past week, and I've gotta say: I'm starting to like the guy. After subtly letting him know I felt I was being smothered by text-messages and 20-questioning, he's actually simmered down enough for me to see that he's a good guy! We had a nice movie night that ended in a nice romp session (or two...and another the next morning) --and a little oral in between. Needless to say, I've had a nice, fulfilling vacation. :)

Sorry for the disappearing act! I had to call Christina the other day to make sure she was still alive, too, since I haven't been online to stalk her, even!

exes and oh!'s,
Court

In which I grovel for forgiveness

2008-12-28T21:57:00.000-08:00

Oh my fucking god. Last published on Dec. 22, who the hell are we kidding here?

Court and I would like to sincerely apologize for being MIA the last week. Court left Smaller town for a holiday vacation and, after canceled flights and the whole bit, is finally on said vacation. Without her laptop. She's a smart one, let me tell ya.

I, on the other hand, am not out of town nor on vacation. Quite the opposite, really: I've been a working fool. Worked Christmas Eve, have to work New Year's Eve (but rest assured will still celebrate) and I actually just got home not too long ago from work. Yes, I work on Sundays. Such is the business.

I have been busy, though, hence the extreme lack of posting. BF and I had a huge fight, almost broke up and, after making up (a few times), are somehow more lovey-dovey than before. We also bought a new vehicle and found out somebody in one of our families (I'm intentionally being vague here, I'm uber-paranoid someone will figure out who I really am) has been having lots of sexy time because BF and I are going to be an uncle/aunt again!

Anyway, I wanted to write something to let you all know that, yes, we are still alive and no, we haven't forgotten about you. Please forgive us?

Also I thought I'd share the beautiful merchandise BF surprised me with from Victoria's Secret! Well, sort of surprised, anyway. For those wondering, I was able to stop myself from snooping any further so I was 100% surprised as to what I actually got for Christmas from VS from the BF.

Drumroll, please:

This sweater, in blue and a black one is on the way. This robe, in purple. These slippers, in hot pink on the way. This shirt, in gray, on the way.

I did have photos posted but I put that to an end when they all started pissing me off.

Hope your holidays are going well!

XOXO
Christina

An award! No, honestly.

2008-12-22T21:52:00.000-08:00

Nickie over at Learn to Fly gave me the "Honest Scrap" award. According to her post, that means... “leftovers, fragments, discarded material, and many times truth and honesty is discarded material, considered fragments and left over.” We tell it like it is and let the scraps fall where they may.

Whatever. I ain't no liar.

Anyway, as I'm finding is the case with most awards (not that anybody's given me one before, gee thanks! Kidding. Kind of. Okay maybe not...), it's part award, part meme. The rules, if awarded the award (I heart redundancy), are:

List 10 honest things about yourself and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!

Pass the award on to 7 other bloggers you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

Staying true to the blog, I'm listening 7 honest and sexual things about me.

One.
I have slept with 20-something men/boys. I say "20-something" because I'm not sure of the exact number and I stopped counting/threw away The List when I met BF. I say "men/boys" because, well, let's be honest - there's a difference between men and boys.

Two.
Sometimes I worry this number is too high for a girl in her 20s. But then I realize I don't give a shit what other people think.

Three.
I really, really want this. And the confidence to wear it.

Four.
I've kissed 4 girls... 1 (I think) with tongue. We were both drunk, she had a boyfriend and I figured it was better me than the even more drunk guy that wouldn't stop hitting on her.

Five.
One of my favorite sex scenes ever in a movie is the one in "A History of Violence," if only because I get so irrationally pissed at BF that this scene really isn't too far off from what could (but doesn't, really) happen between us. For your viewing pleasure:

Six.
According to this site, most women masturbate at least a few times a month. This is yet another way I'm not like most women - I hardly, if ever, masturbate. On a related note, I've never owned a vibrator or dildo. And I really don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

Seven.
Doggy style? My favorite (Sorry, Court, if that was TMI for you...). Also, I couldn't find a picture that wasn't either porn or actual dogs, so suffer.

And the 7 bloggers part? Yeah, I'm saving that for sometime in the next couple days. Hey, the rules didn't specify when I had to name people. I'll get to it when I get to it.

Also, thanks to all 2 of you (maybe 3) who voted for which story I should share next. So far, my fling with Christan Gal's ex is winning by a landslide. Stay tuned for that tale in the not-so-distant future.

Fuck Me Friday! #1

2008-12-20T00:33:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. It's past midnight, so it's technically Saturday, but I couldn't go to sleep without doing my first "Fuck Me Friday!".

So... For tonight's topic: Who do I want to fuck? Well, honestly... if I had it my way today, I would have taken my boss' daughter's friend for a welcome fuck after I picked him up from the airport. Unfortunately, all I got from him was a shit load of ~~not-so~~-innocent flirting. Hey, he seemed into it-- I just wasn't about to do that. Not until I know they're not dating, anyways. :)

'Tis life. Luckily I get to go home next week and maybe I'll get a little action there. I might have to call up Mr. Cling if I get desperate!

Alright, so onto who I'd like to fuck (other than of the hot ass Les Schwab guys that came running to me when I was getting my tires changed?) Dermot Mulroney. Ahhhh. You know what? Who the hell cares if he's 45. I'd do him. And don't tell me you wouldn't. Who knew that the boat love scene in The Wedding Date could be so hot when you don't see cock & boobs? I said it once and I'll say it again: I'd fuck him in a heartbeat.

If you see Dermot, point him in my direction...

exes and oh!'s,

Court

Is this too cleavage-y for an interview?

2008-12-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

I've been interviewed by that damn expat (her adjective, not mine). Granted, it was pretty voluntary (see rules below), but I'm still excited!

First, the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." (Did that.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions - I get to the pick the questions. (That too.)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. (That's coming up.)
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. (Currently happening.)
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. (You got it.)

And now, the interview!

All I know about you is that you live in a small town and have a fun best friend. Tell me more about yourself, in five sentences or less.

I'm the youngest of three - my brother and sister (both technically my half siblings - different fathers) are 6 and 8 years older than me, respectively. For the better part of all of our childhoods, my mother raised us on her own... thus we're very close and I've never considered them my half-siblings. My dad died in a car wreck when I was 16 (on his way to see me for my birthday) and I'm pretty sure that trauma has a lot to do with the shenanigans of my high school and college careers. I'm the first in my family to earn a four-year degree. I love avocados, green olives, Caesar salad and dill pickle-flavored Spitz (sunflower seeds).

If you were a Sex and the City character, which character would you be?

Even though I most closely resemble Charlotte physically, I'm fairly certain (along with about 97% of the rest of the female population) Carrie is, like, my kindred spirit. I fancy myself a writer (in fact, my bachelor's is in a writing-related field and I work at a writing-type place), am neurotic and my hair, when I don't straighten it, tends to be a bit wild and out-of-control. Though I have to say, I do have a bit of Miranda's cynicism as well.

If you were a Sweetest Thing character, which character would you be?

Christina. (In case we didn't make it clear, Courtney and Christina aren't our real names. They're completely based on the movie The Sweetest Thing.) Even though I'm nowhere near as tall or skinny or blonde as Cameron Diaz in that movie, I'm most like Christina. Though... now that I think about it, if I were that tall, I would be that skinny. Just stretch me out and tada! If for no other reason, I'd say I "am" Christina because when she gets upset about something, she feels the need to go out dancing. There are a million other thing we have in common, but my brain hurts from a long day at work.

What is your one favorite thing about your boyfriend?

The hardest question! There are countless things I absolutely adore about him, including the way I've never been left wanting more in the sex department (seriously, he's always willing to do anything I want!) and the way he gets along so well with my family, friends and co-workers. But maybe the best thing about him is how he puts up with all my shit. I'm right about just about everything, obviously (hint hint wink wink), but on the rare occasion I get all Carrie-neurotic and Miranda-cynical and all-around menopausal-girl-crazy - have I mentioned I tend to have mood swings and have a serious (serious.) anger problem? - he always puts up with it. Sure, he throws out the occasional "fuck this," but he always ends up calming me down and telling me how much, despite it all, he loves me. Oh, and he wants to marry me. Maybe that's my favorite thing.

Tell me one thing you love and one thing you hate about yourself.

Psh. What's not to love? Aside from my amazing sense of humor (and fashion) and killer good looks, I think I'm most proud of where I am in life. I'm a college grad with a good job that I love (and is exactly what I went to school for), living with my boyfriend (in sin! I'm so going to hell) and we have a house, a yard, way too many vehicles, some very adorable pets and only minimal debt. I've got it together.

And my least favorite thing is that I fall apart. Like I mentioned a minute ago, I have some pretty severe anger problems and mood swings that surface from time to time and I hate myself when I'm like that. It's that uncontrollable shit you always read about but never really think can be true. I'm a complete bitch for absolutely no reason. It gets so bad that sometimes I wonder if I should see a doctor about it, get some meds and chill the fuck out. But by the time that all crosses my mind, it's over with. I'm sane again. I'd like to be (relatively) sane all the time.

There you have it. I'm apparently a little on the wordy side tonight (or maybe that's just in general... hey, I said I fancy myself a writer, didn't I?) so please forgive. Also I'm extremely PG tonight, too (no sex or coming or dick-licking or anything, wtf?!) so forgive me for that, too.

I'm kind of killing two birds with one stone here, but I have a quick poll for you guys. Which story from my past would you like to hear next....
A (somewhat but maybe not-so-) quick recap of my shenanigans with First Love?
The first time I slept with a black guy?*
The first time I slept with an Asian guy?**
OR my fling with Christian Gal's (a college roommate of mine) ex-boyfriend... while I lived with Christian Gal?

* Have I mentioned I'm white?
** And Hick Town is, if you couldn't tell by the name, pretty much 100% white?

XOXO
Christina

Wet Wednesday #1

2008-12-17T23:06:00.000-08:00

Well, after just accidentally hitting enter after entering (uhhh, nice repetitiveness there, Christina) the title, thus publishing an entirely blank post...

After much deliberation and consideration last night, Court and I decided to initiate a couple themed days for posting here at SATTS.

Go ahead. Applaud and squeal with excitement. I'll wait.

...

Here's what we came up with:
Wet Wednesdays
Fuck Me Fridays (or something to that effect, Court will decide on the final title when she posts Friday)
Sexy Sundays

We'll be alternating days, which also means we'll alternate themed days from week to week. wtf did I just say? I, obviously, am taking the first Wet Wednesday. Court will post for Friday's theme, I'll be back on Sunday, then Court will have Wednesday and I'll take Friday... you follow me?

Okay, now that we've taken care of that. On to the good stuff.

Like I've mentioned before, BF and I have been together for about a year and a half.

Actually, now that I think about it, today was our 1.5 year anniversary. Nice.

In that time, I've had two birthdays. This will be our second Christmas together and there was, of course, the one year anniversary.

And BF has yet to buy me a gift.

Hold on! Before you freak out, that doesn't mean he hasn't bought me anything. In fact, it's quite the opposite... he's spent a lot of money on me. North Face fleece and coat, iPod nano, movies and clothes. I can't even remember it all. And he's even been talking recently about buying me us a pickup (that I'd drive more than him, since he already has a bigger pickup) since my car is NOT good in the snow.

But he hasn't actually bought me a gift... he hasn't gone out to a store (or, hell, gone online) and bought something for me that he knew (or hoped or guessed) I'd like to surprise me with. No wrapping, no stuffing into a gift bag. Nada.

Until now?!

I check his MySpace, Facebook, email... all that... regularly. Not because I'm spying or anything (no, really) but because he doesn't. And a lot of people try to keep in touch with him with those things and I feel bad that they think he might be ignoring them.

(You might be wondering, at this point, wtf this all has to do with a "Wet Wednesday." Keep your pants on. Or, actually, take 'em off. Whatever floats your boat. But I'm getting there, sure as shit.)

So tonight, bored with checking my own MySpace and Facebook and feeling thoroughly overwhelmed at the amount of unread blog posts (from all you amazing bloggers!) I have in my reader, I decide to check his shiznit since I haven't in awhile.

That's when I saw it: "Victoria's Secret order confirmation."

And I got a little wet. Maybe literally, maybe figuratively. I'll leave that up for you to guesstimate.

Maybe he'll be getting a little more action in the next couple weeks.

XOXO
Christina

So many firsts

2008-12-16T23:01:00.001-08:00

My first lay was so much more than the guy who took my virginity. We'll call him V Snatcher, because, well, that's what he was.

In addition to being the first guy to put his you-know-what you-know-where, V Snatcher was also the first guy I ever fooled around with who already had a girlfriend (gasp!). In short, he was my first scandal.

I was barely 16 and we'd been hanging out for a ~~while~~ couple weeks. The flirting had crossed the line from cute and innocent to do me now after about Day 2. Unfortunately, I didn't learn about V Snatcher's significant other until about Day 5. It escapes me now how that happened, exactly, but I'm fairly certain there was a plot to keep that information from me.

He'd tell me how he wasn't happy with her, how she talked about marriage and how it made him want die. He told me I was prettier, sexier, funnier... whatever, V Snatcher. I wasn't in it for that and even then I knew you weren't in it for that, either. And even if I did want a relationship at that point in time, I sure as shit didn't want it with you.

But the scandal got pretty intense for awhile. V Snatcher and his girl would be sitting on a couch, holding hands. I'd try to be friendly with her (but I guarantee I couldn't pick her out of a crowd today if I tried) and would sit next to her on the couch. He'd feign putting his arm around her waist, then grab my hand/leg/ass behind her back. While I was sitting two feet from her. It was bad. I loved it.

Then it happened. V Snatcher's girl was, for one reason or another, not drinking with us that night. I had one too many screwdrivers (god I can't drink vodka like I used to) and V Snatcher took me back to his place. Not that it took much convincing. Can I remind you here that I was 16? So was he. He lived with his mother.

We decided a dip in the hot tub was in order. I don't have my suit, I said. It's okay, he replied. I don't even own one. So we got in the hot tub.

Here where another first with V Snatcher comes in: Not only was that the first time I got laid, it was the first time I had sex in a hot tub. When we decided that just wasn't good enough (because, really, it's not) we moved to his bed. Another first: waterbed. That was much better.

He was on top. I was on top. But best of all? I came. (Is that even a correct term for women? Whatev. I use it all the time, so if it's not... get used to it.) It was really quite good for being my first time, from what I hear.

From what I can remember, V Snatcher and I didn't hang out much after that. He didn't call. I didn't call. I got my practice, which was really all I wanted it to be because I wanted to be prepared for... First Love.

Does that make me a horrible, shallow person? Even then I knew I was only sleeping with V Snatcher because I knew First Love refused to be the one to take my virginity and I wanted him oh-so-badly. So, when the time came with First Love, I could tell him honestly that yes, I had done this before.

But that's another story. Because this one is quite long enough.

XOXO
Christina

The Facemaker

2008-12-15T23:09:00.000-08:00

Enter: The Facemaker. He was 23 (I was 19, and hadn't quite met MBD yet) when we first met, and a handsome man. Outside of the bedroom, that is. I was introduced to him when I moved in with Older Sister, since I didn't know anyone in Big Town.We hit it off when we first met. I actually think we might have done a little bumping and grinding that night after a drink or two. And we actually did date for about a year on and off after meeting. Moving on...

Not all of us are lucky enough to experience this one. Let me go into a bit further detail: You're with your significant-- or not so significant-- other. It's getting hot and heavy. You make it to the ~~bed~~ kitchen counter and start making sexy time. You're both having a fucking blast, waking up the neighbors, car alarms going off, utensils flying... having a grand old time... Then you happen to take a glance at his/her face and... that moment is... over. Fuck.

Ever had one of these? Where their face looked something like this? I mean, it's not that they aren't enjoying themselves, because they obviously are. It's just that, they're loving it so much that they can't control making it look like they are needing to run to the nearest bathroom to take care of some business.

It honestly wasn't the only reason The Facemaker and I aren't together any longer, I mean, I can be shallow... but turning the lights off can fix that one if I was really interested in him.

So who's experienced the bad sex face? Or something else that made you lose complete interest in the activity?

Ugh, no wild experiences to share in Smaller Town yet. The Purse and I have been laying low. I was debating on going for a run recently by the hot construction workers, but the fucking snow decided that it was going to blanket the entire county. Fuck snow. Construction workers don't work when there's snow every fucking where.

Quote of the day:
"I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it."
-Carrie Bradshaw, SATC

exes and oh!'s,
Court

Amazing!

2008-12-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

It has to be said: I'm totally, incredibly, utterly amazed at the readership Court and I have here already.

Our first post, before we really went public at all, was Dec. 9. Today (in case you live under a rock and don't know these things) is Dec. 15.

Okay, do the math here people... that's 6 days. Less than a week. We've gained almost two followers a day and your comments have been amazing as well!

I just had to say, I love it. And I love you! (I know, I know, that was kind of quick... What can I say? I'm easy.)

That all being said, I feel the need to be completely honest here. (Well, aside from that whole anonymous bit.)

I'm the shy one, here. Court is definitely the bold one, more outgoing and brave. Always has been. Always will be. Keep that in mind when you're reading about Court's eye-fucking and big-dicked ex-neighbors.

I'm also in one of those things we like to call a relationship... meaning I don't exactly have the escapades so common in my younger years. But fear not, readers! In coming posts, for your reading pleasure, I plan on reliving the scandals of my past.

Take my word for it, they're juicy.

XOXO
Christina

"Eye-fucking" love it!

2008-12-14T22:36:00.000-08:00

You do it. Sometimes you do it and you don't even know you're doing it. I, on the otherhand, do it all the time (and I know I'm doing it).

Not sure if you're eye-fucking or have been eye-fucked? Let's go over some of what I believe are sure signs of eye-fuckage:

Eye-fucking is an intense/seductive version of eye flirting/staring at a person hard-- finding a person extremley attractive and wanting to tear them apart right this very moment (or undressing them with your eyes-- you sultry master!).
The person's eyes stay on you after they've looked you up & down. If you catch them doing this, they wanted you to.
If you see someone doing the above with an added licking/biting of the lip, it's a sure sign that they'd take you right then and there (and I'm sure if you give them the 'come hither' motion, they'll follow you then and there!).
And last but not least, the demonstration:

Thank you, Angelia. Well done. I take it you've been practicing.

So, the reason for the eye-fucking topic: Yesterday I actually left Smaller Town and went to a friend's college graduation, about 3 and a half hours away, and into civilization-- even better than civilization, it was a town full of young, college students. At the grad party I was lucky enough to exchange some nice eye-fucks with a handsome young fella who had some nice pearly whites. Too bad his sloppy drunk friend, who happened to be a girl, was with him. Otherwise, I might have given him the come hither!

John: No, don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.
Jeremy: Yeah, well the girl in the proper hat just eye fucked the shit out of me.
- Wedding Crashers

exes and oh's!,
Court

It has arrived!

2008-12-14T16:11:00.001-08:00

Today was the day. Well, actually-- yesterday was the day. I just wasn't here when the mail came. I ripped open the box and found the beautiful giraffe print purse in my hands.

Just a little F.Y.I. for you (and everyone else reading this): Christina & I are actually doing a journal and a blog for this. The journal is so that it can possibly be passed along and be kind of a cool thing for our children to maybe read someday [when they've grown old enough to hear about our outrageous pasts...] and of course it will contain our not-so-anonymous names, instead of our awesomely chosen "Courtney" and "Christina" from The Sweetest Thing.

So today I transferred from my "oh-so-loved-but-I've-gotten-overstuffed" Coach bag belongings to the new purse: the 5 tubes of lip gloss, 11 sticks of gum (that had of course fallen and gotten lost at the bottom of it), an extra pair of earrings, my wallet, my Blackberry, checkbook, a few pieces of mail, a winter hat, 2 pairs of gloves, Tylenol, touch-up make-up, anti-bacterial hand sanitizer, a memory card reader, Kleenex, Nipple Nibblers, Vanilla Bean Noel lotion (mmmm!), 9 bandaids, 2 pens, 4 condoms (you never know!), andddd a partridge in a pear tree.

The new giraffe print satchel is about 4 times the size of the Coach bag. Ohh the glory of having extra room in a purse! I could seriously carry an extra sweatshirt, gloves, and my beloved College Town mascot print rain boots inside the purse (which I have to fucking wear because of the fact that it decided to start snowing this weekend). I hate snow. I love looking at it, hate driving in the shit.

Well, since I didn't get out really at all today (just once for a quick errand), I didn't get to really try it out very well. I did, however, notice in the 15 minutes I was using it, that the shoulder straps keeps falling down whenever I have it on my shoulder, and there is a fake zipper pocket on the inside! Seriously! What's the purpose of a fake zipper? I mean, it unzips, zips, but there's definitely not a purpose for it since there isn't a place it zips and unzips to!

Alright, well, you'll hear from me soon. Probably later tonight.

exes and oh!'s,
Court

Oh Big Town, I miss you[r sex].

2008-12-11T23:41:00.000-08:00

So... Since I've moved to Smaller Town, I've started to think about how different things are. When I lived in Big Town, I had a few choices... nice mall, Target, Wal*Mart... and Mr. Big Dick next door.

Errrrch! Back that ass up. A little history: I moved in with Older Sister when I was 19, and lived with her for about 2 years in Big Town. MBD lived in the same apartment complex and I ended up running into him, exchanging numbers, etc. He was, in a nutshell, mid-30's*, 6'5", fairly muscular, short brown hair, sometimes sported a sexy goatee, and of course, the ever-so-gigantic dick. Got the visual? Good.

Moving onto the whole reason for this post: A few times a month, my well-endowed neighbor and I would get together at his place for a midnight romp session**, occasionally shagging on the terrace that faced the busiest street in Big Town.

Smaller Town is new. And from what I can see, is lacking in the men department. I might pass a bloke in the store that looks semi-hot, and then he breaks out the nearly hillbilly smile I was trying to stay away from.

I did, however, pass a few hotties while I was strolling down the street from my house the other day-- construction workers. Hmm... I have a good feeling about this...

*34 to be exact-- did I mention I was just about 20?
**And how much of an age difference is it before it's wrong anyway?

exes and oh!'s,
Court

Here it comes!

2008-12-10T23:20:00.000-08:00

I just thought I'd mention that the key ingredient in this blog is officially on its way!

I got the email today: The Purse has shipped and should arrive at Court's doorstep in about a week! Hopefully sooner...

In case you're wondering, that's The Purse in the header at the top of the page. Beautiful, isn't it?

XOXO
Christina

How much is too much?

2008-12-10T21:31:00.000-08:00

This goes against everything I've ever stood for.

Since I first discovered it when I was a just-turned 16-year-old girl*, I've loved it. When I first started having sex, it was like a drug: I needed it and and it was always more, more, more. I couldn't get enough!

And let's be honest... by the time I turned 18 and went off to college, I was only able to feed and further my addiction. It was beautiful. Growing up in Hick Town, there wasn't a lot of, um, diversity. But College Town was full of all sorts of men and it was there I became acquainted with the legends of the black and Asian men. You know, the big and the small. As far as I know, both stereotypes are 100% true.

But I digress. For the last 6+ years, sex has pretty much been at the center of what I did. Everywhere I went, I was on the look-out.

But now... ohhh, now. It's a different story.

Maybe it's because it's so readily available (I mean, come on, I live with the guy and don't think for a second it takes more than 30 seconds to talk him into doing the deed**) or maybe it's because we've been together for awhile now (Have I mentioned anywhere this is the longest relationship I've ever been in? The next longest was six months and total hell...) but sex has all but lost the appeal it once had. Sure, I like to get down and dirty every now and then - once, maybe twice a week - but getting my daily dick has fallen drastically on my priority list.

I feel like Miranda in SATC: The Movie. (WARNING: SPOILER!) You know, when her and the girls are sitting around talking about how often they color. Once upon a time, I was just like Samantha. Now, though I'm truthfully probably more like Carrie in that situation (in real life, of course, I'd never talk about this!), I feel like Miranda.

Okay, so it hasn't been 6 months. Not even close and really? I couldn't go that long. But I'm busy and BF and I work opposite hours so damn it, I'm tired when he gets home and he's gone to work by the time I get home. And forgive me for not having a sex drive when I rush home for a quick lunch.

So what do you think? Is having sex once a week too little for a couple as young as BF (he's a few years older than me) and I? How often do you color?

* On a related note, how old were you when you lost your V card? Like I said, I was barely 16. Think what you want, but I don't regret it for a second. How old do you think is the right age to have sex for the first time?

** Who really says "doing the deed" anymore? Seriously.

XOXO
Christina

Clingers.

2008-12-10T19:08:00.000-08:00

Christ. We've got a stage five clinger.

You know what I'm talking about. You knowww. The guy who is text messaging you at least every 30 minutes of the day... Is he worried that you've become un-interested in him because the last "what are you up to?" they sent 29 minutes ago didn't get a response? Really? Let me just say that I hope you have Verizon, Mr. Cling, because honestly, I can't afford your 839 texts a day.

Okay, so I might be over-exaggerating a tad about the "839 texts"-- but the rest is accurate.

But really, Mr. Cling. I'm trying not to lead you on. Sure, we had some good sex. Not great, but it was alright-- and by that, I mean that you could have lasted a ~~little~~...lot longer. What I was thinking was just some nice goodbye sex, has brought me to realization that I might have gotten my farewell hump from the wrong fella. And to be completely honest with you, if it weren't for recently finding out about your clinginess, I would have actually been interested. But I can tell you right now, it's not looking good on your end.

I must say that I'm a tad jealous of those in relationships; always having someone there for them-- physically & emotionally... Not having to deal with the above referenced men... But I've also learned to be picky. So I'm doing just that... but we all know we've gotta test drive the car before we buy it, so I'll work on that for now-- and maybe start taking the speed limit into consideration.

exes and oh!'s,
Court

Who's That Girl?

2008-12-09T19:54:00.000-08:00

I don't know when I became That Girl.

You know the girl I mean... the girl who loses herself in her relationship. Who, even after a year and a half of being with a guy (and six months or so of living with him), still waits up for her boy to get home from work at night (if he, hypothetically speaking, were to work the night shift). The girl who worries more about how clean the house is or if he's picked up his dirty socks and boxers off the bathroom floor than spending time with him. You know the girl.

The girl who starts her sentences with, "We like to...," or "We went...," or "We like..." We we we. The girl who is so lost in "us" she loses her "I."

Yeah.
I don't know when I became That Girl.

But I'm afraid I've been That Girl for so long now... I don't remember who I was before. The girl that went out every night she could, simply because the nickname Thirty Thursday sounded good? Gone. The girl who made out with Guy #1 one night, then slept with Guy #2 the next night? Definitely gone.

Don't get me wrong, I love BF but...

Sometimes I miss the good old days.

Sometimes I wish I were as outgoing and fun-loving as I used to be. The Purse - you know, the giraffe-print one that spawned this whole blog - is bold. Hopefully that rubs off on me.

XOXO
Christina

Cast of characters

2008-12-09T03:29:00.000-08:00

In order to maintain our anonymity (and protect those we write about since we plan on being brutally honest), we'll be using clever nicknames. We'll update this as frequently as necessary, so be sure to check back often!

(Cast listed in order of appearance)

Christina: 22-year-old living in Small-ish Town, West Coast. Lives with BF and is almost sickeningly in love with him. Has too many exes, some with interesting stories, some... not so much. Is still trying to figure out what to do now that her bff, Courtney, is two states away... again.

Courtney: Twenty-two year-old living in Smaller Town, West Coast. Living alone, single & loving it. Has lots of scandalous stories to share. Missing her bff, but is excited about the journey they're about to take themselves on! Looking for Mr. Right, but will settle for Mr. Right now...

BF: Christina's boyfriend of more than a year and a half.

Mr. Big Dick (MBD): This should pretty much explain itself, no? Neighbor of Courtney's when she lived with Older Sis.

Mr. Cling: Courtney's once-had-a-chance gent that's now become overly attached, overly fast. Did I mention he lives near Hick Town, almost 1,000 miles away & still full boar with the clingage?

Older Sis: Court's oldest sister, whom she used to live with for 2 years.

Cute Bartender: Courtney's possible paramour that works at a bar in Smaller Town.

The Facemaker: One of Court's exes, made constipation faces during the act of sex.

V Snatcher: Snatcher of Christina's virginity. Also the one who got her hooked on scandalous affairs. Read.

First Love: Christina's first love.

Christian Gal: One of Christina's college roommates, also a high school classmate of both Christina and Courtney... meaning she, too, grew up in Hick Town and lived in College Town. She's still a pretty good friend of ours.

Scaredy Ex: Christina's most recent ex-boyfriend, whom she dated for about six months. They met in College Town and were friends for a couple years before getting together. Pretty big mistake.

Chaz & Nelson: Courtney's gay friends, whom she adores (and are life-partners).

The Locales

Hick Town: Little town Christina & Courtney grew up in and have since moved away from.

Small-ish Town: Town where Christina & BF live currently.

Smaller Town: Town Courtney lives in currently.

College Town: Town Christina went to college (obviously) and Courtney visited - wait, no... frequented. Pizza? Yes. Beer pong? Yes. Oral sex? Yes. Sexcapades? Yesssss! Basically, a place we drank a lot and forgot the rest because, well, we drank more. Oh and, you know, Christina went to class from time to time while she lived there.

Big Town: Town Court lived in with Older Sister before moving to Smaller Town.

And so it begins

2008-12-09T03:07:00.001-08:00

What do you get if you mix Sex and the City, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and The Sweetest Thing?

Sex & The Traveling Satchel, of course!

While they may seem to contradict each other, Court and I think the combination of the three explains us pretty well. Part young girl, part grown woman... a little bit of fashion, a little bit (well, hopefully a LOT) of sex... and probably more booze than what's healthy.

Inspired by the Sisterhood, we started this blog hoping to start a chronicle of our lives, now hundreds of miles apart, as best friends... with the help of a fabulous giraffe-print handbag, of course! We're anonymous for one reason and one reason only: to fully serve the needs of what we think this blog should be... completely honest and up-front about everything we, as 20-something women, encounter on a daily basis, purse in hand.

xoxo, chris & court